


Embracing the darkness

by beekathony



Category: Shadow and Bone (TV), The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: F/M, if darklina not endgame then why so sexy?, smut smut and smut, soft!darkling, what should have happened in chapter 14
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:20:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29904456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beekathony/pseuds/beekathony
Summary: "Alina," he said, and I could see that he was fighting with himself, "can I come to you tonight?"What should have happened if the Darkling visited Alina that night after the winter fete.
Relationships: The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov
Comments: 10
Kudos: 82
Collections: Grisha Trilogy





	Embracing the darkness

The sound of the ball carried all the way to my room. I had mingled for another hour, trying to appear as if nothing had just occurred. As if I had not just kissed the Darkling. As if my whole world had not just changed.

My fingers touched my lips softly, remembering the warmth he had radiated. His hands wrapped around my body lit a spark in me. The rush of adrenaline hadn’t left my system, and the only thing I could do now was pace back and forth. The Darkling had asked to come to my room. But I’d given no straight answer before he disappeared.

_Would he even come?_

I wasn’t sure if I even wanted him to come. I knew that if he showed up outside of my door, I would be unable to resist him. I should want to push him away — run from him, and find someplace safe. But every cell in my body ached for him. Resisting was futile, because in the end, I would always give in.

Never in my life had I felt more wanted than in his presence. The way he looked at me, like I was the most precious sight he’d ever seen. The Darkling also looked as if it pained him to be near me. It was as if he was fighting something within himself. Making a choice whether or not to allow himself to feel.

Pacing was doing me no good, and so I crossed the large room and peered out the window. People were outside in small groups, lingering. I knew that no one would miss my presence at the party. I had a nice time, I could admit that much at least. However, I did feel like I was playing pretend, and then come morning I would wake up back in reality — a poor girl from _Ravka_.

The Darkling could have anyone, so why did he kiss _me_?

If he did come to my room tonight, what would he do? Laugh at my inexperience? Or worse, force me to do something I didn’t want to.

A small laugh left my lips. As if I wouldn’t do anything he said. His power over me was overwhelming. Much as I tried to fight it, it was there. Lurking under my skin. One word from the Darkling and I would be on my knees.

My heart began to race as I thought about the way he would take me in his arms, and press his lips to mine once again.

I wanted him. More than _anything._

For years, I had thought about having my first sexual experience with Mal, but it was clear now that he wanted nothing to do with me. Those were just silly fantasies. Of course, the visions I was having now of myself and the Darkling were fantasies, but I hoped they would soon become reality.

Time continued to pass, and as I looked at the clock, I realized another hour had passed. If he wanted to come to my room tonight, then surely he would have come already.

I sighed and walked over to my bed. There was no way I was going to get out of my dress without help, so I resigned to sleeping in it. My feet ached after a long day, and I knew that tomorrow I would go back to training. As I climbed into bed, I tried not to think about the Darkling. I tried not to think about what he was doing at this very moment, or possibly who he was doing it with.

In moments, I was asleep, dreaming of warm embraces and kisses in dark corridors.

++++++

“Alina,” someone whispered and I jolted upright in bed.

The room was covered in darkness, with only a sliver of pale moonlight shining at the end of my bed. A tall figure stood there, and it took everything in me not to scream. Was it him? Had he finally come? Or was this someone else and I was about to be murdered?

I drew forth the light from within me and let it rest in the palm of my hand, illuminating the figure.

“Did I startle you?” The Darkling said quietly, smirking as he bent his head. “That wasn’t my intention, Alina.”

“Don’t you know to knock on a person’s room before entering?”

He had the good sense to look ashamed, but only slightly. The light emanating from my hand cast a soft glow to his features, and he looked younger… warmer. The Darkling came around to sit on the side of my bed, his hand reaching out to touch my cheek.

“I did knock,” he nodded, and then smiled slowly. “But no one answered. I just wanted to see that you were safe.”

_See me safe?_

“Is that all?” I asked, leaning against his touch, and resting my face in the palm of his hand.

The Darkling sat there quietly, and I began to wonder if he would ever say anything. But then he moved closer, his other hand reaching out to brush a strand of hair behind my ear.

“I didn’t know if you wanted me to come,” he replied. “Or even if I should.”

“So you broke into my room?” I laughed, my other hand moving to touch his cupping my cheek. I brought his hand to rest in my lap, my fingers lightly stroking his palm.

“Did I really break in though?” He cocked his brow, a smug smile playing on his lips. “You should have locked your doors, Alina. If you didn’t want me to enter.”

I knew he was right. I had even debated whether or not to lock them earlier, but decided against it for this very reason. The Darkling was here, sitting on my bed, our hands touching. He seemed so much softer when it was just the two of us, as if all the pressures of the world instantly faded away.

“Can I ask you something?” I continued to trace mindless patterns on his hand.

“Anything.”

“Why…” I began, then shook my head, feeling foolish for even wondering.

He tilted my head up to look into his eyes. Every time he touched me, I felt a rush of power surge through me. Confidence, and bravery came to me as easily as breathing when I was near him. All the things I never thought I could be.

“Why did you kiss me?” I finally said, watching the emotion play out on his face. First surprise, that I had asked the question, and then puzzlement.

His hand in mine flipped, and his fingers moved slowly to my wrist. A small squeak left my lips as his thumb pressed down lightly, and then continued to move up my arm.

“Which time do you mean?” He grinned, looking outright mischievous.

“Both… I suppose,” I laughed at the absurdity that he had even kissed me at all.

“I’m not entirely sure,” his brows furrowed. A strange look crossed over his face, and I recognized it as insecurity. “All I know is that I wanted to, and that if I didn’t kiss you right then and there…” he trailed off.

His eyes met mine then, their slate color boring into mine. That same urgency that had come between us earlier tonight still lingered. I may not have much experience with what might come next, but I was more than willing.

“Alina?”

My stomach fluttered like a bird’s wings every time he said my name. “Yes?”

“I’m going to kiss you again,” he said matter of factly. Then he was leaning in, his hand caressing my cheek before his lips met mine. The light faded from the room, shrouding us in darkness. A small moan left my lips as his hand slid into my hair, pulling me closer to him. Part of me thought this was all a dream, but I wasn’t clever enough to dream of something this good, this fantastic.

“I want you,” he muttered against my lips. “I don’t understand it.”

“Neither do I,” I sighed, my hands tugging his collar, eager to feel more of him.

He kissed me again, before releasing his grip on me and standing. I knew it wouldn’t last — he had finally come to his senses and would now laugh and leave me.

Instead, he offered me his hand, and I took it.

“I never got a chance to tell you how stunning you look in black,” he smiled as he raised my left arm in the air. Laughter escaped me as he began to twirl me around, the black silk spinning out in all directions. I’d never felt more beautiful.

Suddenly, his arms gathered around me, and he pulled me flush against his chest.

“Why did you send me this black dress?” I asked, peering up into his face.

Indecision flickered in his eyes — the choice of whether or not to tell me the truth. I had suspected it since the start, that this, us, was something neither of us could comprehend. Something powerful, and with care could grow to be something unstoppable.

“I wanted,” his thumb brushed over my bottom lip. “I wanted everyone to know that you belonged with me. That you and I are the same.”

“The same,” I repeated. My head dropped, and I rested it against his chest. That’s when I heard his heart beating, fast and quick like a hummingbird. He was as nervous as I was.

_Like calls to like._

“Are you sure you don’t have someone else you’d rather be spending tonight with?” I asked, keeping my head down, unable to meet his intense gaze. His hands slid along my back, and I gasped whenever he began to unbutton my dress.

“Believe it or not,” he smiled. I knew he was smiling even though I couldn’t see his face. “I haven’t done this in a very long time. It’s never felt like this… with anyone, Alina.”

That made me curious, and I moved my head to look at him. His hands paused on the buttons of my dress.

“I’ve never…” I blushed.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, Alina.”

As if I could stop him now, with half the buttons of my dress undone. My senses were leaving me, and as his fingers grazed my bare back, I melted against him. I wanted him more than I’d ever wanted anything in my life.

“I want this,” I nodded, smiling as my hand slid up to the buttons of his black _kefta_. “I want _you_.”

Color rose to his cheeks, and the pit of my stomach warmed at the thought that I could bring him happiness. The Darkling terrified me, as he did most people, but that terrifying feeling was also exhilarating. It made me feel alive, and when he bent his head to kiss my neck, I let my emotions takeover.

“Oh, Alina,” he gasped softly and I opened my eyes to see the whole room covered in a soft light. Looking down at my body, I realized that it was me who was glowing — light emitted from me, illuminating the darkness.

The look of awe and wonder on his face filled me with pride. He said he hadn’t given up on me yet, and here in his arms, I felt it. The balance between the light and the dark.

I stepped out of his embrace, looking down at my body still emitting a soft glow. Then, tendrils of black smoke began to dance around me. The Darkling held out one hand, making the smoke wrap around me. The rational side of my mind told me that I should be afraid, but feeling his power around me only encouraged me. I pushed against it, and more light filled the room.

“Take my hand, Alina,” he said, holding it out to me. “Be who you were always meant to be… with me.”

I stood on a precipice, staring at the very man who would change the course of my life forever. As the light continued to glow, I reached out, took his hand and embraced the darkness.

My fingers trembled on the buttons of his _kefta_ , feeling unsure of myself. His hands returned to the buttons of my dress and one by one, I came undone. No man had ever seen me like this, utterly exposed.

“Don’t be afraid,” he smiled, tipping my chin up and then he kissed me gently.

The silk slid from my arms and down my body, leaving me bare before him.

I felt his gaze linger over me, and I wanted to cover myself. Shivers cascaded through my body as he reached out and placed his hand on my chest, just over my heart.

“Are you nervous, Alina?”

I nodded, feeling heat creep into my cheeks. I wanted to be bold, and take what I wanted, but first I would need some help.

The Darkling began to unbutton his _kefta,_ followed by the shirt underneath. My eyes never left his as he removed the rest of his clothing. His hands found mind, interlacing.

“Go ahead,” he smirked. “Have a look.”

“Nothing I haven’t seen before,” I grinned, but glanced down anyways, eager to see him. His body was lean, and muscular. Strong, and yet covered with small scars here and there. Battle wounds. My eyes traveled further down and settled on the space between his thighs. His cock was — well, it was huge, and I shivered, wondering how it would fit inside me.

“You’re…” I squeezed his hands. “Beautiful.”

He laughed, the sound making my heart race faster.

“That’s not exactly what men want to hear when they’re standing before a woman,” he teased. “But a compliment, nonetheless.”

His head bent and his lips were on mine. My lips parted to welcome his tongue, brushing against mine. Our bodies pressed together, and his length was hard, throbbing near my center. The Darkling slid his hands down my back, all while taking us closer to the bed. My body fell back gently against the soft mattress. He loomed over me, like a hunter stalking it’s prey.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. “All _mine_.”

That thought thrilled me. His. All his. In that moment, I wanted him to possess me completely. I wanted to know him, and for him to know me. Reaching up, I took his hand and placed it over my breast.

His palm squeezed my tender flesh, then he skimmed it over my nipple. It hardened under his touch and he repeated the motion to my other breast. I could tell he was holding himself back, trying to be gentle.

“Please,” I begged, adjusting myself beneath him. This was my first time, but I couldn’t wait any longer.

“Tell me if I hurt you, Alina,” he said, worry creasing his forehead. I nodded, and then gasped as his mouth covered my breast. His tongue flicked out against my nipple. My back arched as he bit down, tugging on the hard bud.

Lightning raced through my veins as his hand moved along my body, down over my stomach until finally resting between my thighs. He was there, lightly touching me, feeling my wetness. His cock was hard on my leg, and I felt him lining up with my center. My body tensed as I prepared for what came next.

“Relax,” he suddenly grinned, moving one hand to stroke my cheek. “It won’t hurt as much if you’re relaxed.”

I took a deep breath, searching his eyes.

“Try to bring light into the room,” he suggested. “Focus on your power.”

His lips moved to my jaw, and down my neck. His length touched my center, and I moaned, parting my legs further. Easily, the light came forth, filling the space around us and creating a bubble of warmth.

“That’s it,” he murmured against my lips and then he was sliding forward, inch by inch. Gasps left my lips as he filled me, and the light continued to grow, only getting brighter.

Once he was fully inside me, he held still, letting me adjust. The Darkling rose above me, his hand cupping my cheek and in that moment, it was as if our souls were uniting, connecting beyond the limits of our world.

Then he moved, strong and powerful in each thrust.

“Oh!”

It hurt, badly at first, but as he continued to push forward, my body eased and soon I was moving my hips. Though he was large, my body welcomed him eagerly. I wrapped my arms around him, wanting him closer.

“You’re so good,” he said softly, repeating my name as he rolled against me. Our bodies slid together. I wrapped one leg around his waist, sighing at the sensation. The light around us shined brighter and stronger.

“More,” I begged, scratching at his back. “More!”

His hips jerked against me, and then his lips claimed mine, fierce in their desire. Our limbs intertwined, and I didn’t know where he ended and I began. Something was building inside of me, growing from the pit of my stomach.

“Alina, Alina,” he breathed my name. I slid one hand onto the back of his head and then I felt tears spring to the corners of my eyes.

_I loved him._

This man I barely knew… who’s power should have scared me. I loved him. He moved within, simultaneously ripping me apart and putting me back together. I came undone, crying out as my body began to shake. Intense light filled the room and then a moment later, we were covered in darkness.

The Darkling let out a loud moan, his lips forever saying my name before he crashed on top of me. He cradled me in his arms and I chased that feeling, feeling the light creep up to the surface. I let it overflow until I could once again see his face. Carefully, he rolled onto his side, bringing me with him.

“I’m awfully glad I didn’t lock my door tonight,” I sighed, content.

He chuckled, his fingers smoothing over my cheeks before settling on my shoulder.

“You should probably lock it,” he said, still breathless. “It’s not safe. You never know who might come lurking these dark halls.”

“Like some villain, out to steal a girls virtue?”

Concern splashed over his face, but I wiped it away by placing a kiss to his lips.

“You are no villain,” I said softly. “You are simply a man.”

“Alina,” he sighed. “If only you were right.”

“I am always right.”

His hands pulled me closer to him, and I wondered when he would leave. Earlier at the party, Ivan had told him some important news about the herd. I knew we couldn’t stay like this forever, but I wanted to.

“You are who I say you are,” I spread my palm against his chest.

He was quiet, and his eyes were closed, but I knew he wasn’t asleep, only thinking.

“You make me want to be better, Alina,” he finally said after a long time.

I smiled and kissed him. “Together… we can be anything we want to be.”

The Darkling didn’t leave that night, but stayed holding me until the sun came up. As much as I didn’t want him to leave, we both knew that he needed to slip out of my room before anyone else woke up.

We’d made love twice that night, and my body ached in places I didn’t know existed. My lips still tingled from his touch. And my heart longed to be near him again. From now on, I belonged to him, and he belonged to me.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm only in the middle of book 2, but I've seen spoilers for the end of the series but also I pretend I do not see it. Darklina deserves better and I vow to write what they should have had lol. I hope you enjoy this and yes, I know the darkling is a bit more soft, but don't worry... I plan on the next one shot to be full of possessive!darkling ;)
> 
> follow me on twitter @threadofgoldenn


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